You can't special order awesome
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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