I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
