I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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