Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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