I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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