My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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