i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
