Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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