I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize