no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
