Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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