Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
