My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
