Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
