Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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