Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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