I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
