Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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