my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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