I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
