I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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