Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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