i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
