I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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