Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
