I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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