You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
