you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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