I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
