I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize