I don't think brook has ever known best
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
