You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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