my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize