"it" just moved
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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