You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
