my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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