im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
