Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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