i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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