They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
