The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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