we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
