Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
