I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
