A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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