At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
