At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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