At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
