i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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