Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
