I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
