i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
