I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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