just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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