the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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