how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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