We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
