I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
