kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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