Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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