True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
