I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
