I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
