i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
