Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
