Soap is not a condiment
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
