She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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