Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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