just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
