tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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