I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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