went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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