I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
